I met Jake* in 2019 and he was very much my type. We instantly hit it off and were super excited to hang out. He worked in the F&B (food and beverage) industry, so his schedule was a bit crazy. When he asked me to go out that Friday night, I was honestly quite surprised as that’s usually a very busy night. But apparently, it was his earliest night off, he got off at 8 pm. He touched base later in the week and said we’d meet for drinks at Melrose Grill in downtown Renton. It’s a traditional steakhouse with a historical 1900’s bar.
I ate dinner with my friends since we weren’t meeting until later and the invite was for drinks. When I arrived, Jake* wasn’t there yet, so I grabbed a spot at the bar and ordered a glass of Rosé. I nearly finished my glass before receiving a text that he was running late. He told me to grab a table.
As I walked over to the hostess, I already knew at 8 pm on a Friday night there was hardly a chance I was getting a table for 2 but I asked. She put me on the list and I returned to the bar.
After waiting over 30 minutes, he finally arrived.
He seemed very frazzled when I told him there were no tables and we were on the waitlist. He grabbed my hand to guide me out as he wanted to run across the street and check another restaurant. I halted him and pointed at my full glass of Rosé.
Already a bit annoyed that 1. he was very late 2. he now wanted a sit-down table but didn’t make a reservation on a Friday night.
HELLO, YOU WORK IN THE F&B INDUSTRY DUH!
So, I let him run across the street to check while I worked on finishing my glass. He quickly came back over and was surprised that they didn’t have any availability either. As he was on his phone trying to find another place to go, I finished my glass and thankfully, the hostess found a table for us.
My tab was moved over to our table and the friendly bartender sent me another glass of Rosé to the table. When the waitress asked if he wanted anything to drink and he said no. I was quite confused. He then proceeded to order a full steak meal at 9 pm and waited for me to order. I kindly declined to the waitress and then reminded him that he’d asked me our for drinks and I’d already eaten earlier.
Luckily, we quickly dove into our natural amazing banter and conversation. It was fun, it was easy, and we laughed…A LOT! But the conversation quickly circled back to drinking when I mentioned a boozy brunch. I noticed he was very awkward and avoiding the topic, so I pried a tinsy bit.
It turns out, he’s a recovering alcoholic and has been sober for…8 months. 😬 We talked quite in-depth about it. It’s not an uncommon thing. In fact one of my very best friends is a recovering alcoholic. This is why I know that the recovery process is long. In the beginning, it’s not advised for alcoholics to be around alcohol (ie: brunch, happy hour, dates at bars, etc.).
So now here we sat as I drank my Rosé and he ate his steak.
I felt very uncomfortable. I wouldn’t have ordered alcohol if I would’ve known, but also he was the one who suggested drinks.
We ended the night on a great note and made Sunday plans to go to the park with his dog. However, as I mulled over the idea of it all…okay, okay I over-thought the F out of the future of our relationship. I didn’t feel like it was healthy.
While my life doesn’t revolve around alcohol and I do a lot of things outside of these things, a lot of my social life includes boozy brunch, wine nights, and happy hour. I already felt bad enough having Rosé at dinner, I didn’t want to feel that way every time we hung out.
I sent him a text briefly explaining myself. But I never heard from him again.
I guess it wasn’t my job to assume how he should handle his recovery and I know I overthink and sabotage a lot but in the end, I don’t think this would’ve ever worked out. I hope he learns from his mistakes and doesn’t continue asking girls out for drinks, it’s quite misleading.
*all names have been changed
