I spent my last year, slowly, and most of the time unbeknownst to anyone else, saying goodbye. Goodbye to moments, times, experiences, people and places.
I braced myself to tell my closest friends that in a mere 6 months, I would be selling nearly everything I own and leaving South Florida to travel the United States before moving to China. Wait…did I just say, I braced myself?
For what?
I was so overcome with anxiety and fear. Anxiety that they wouldn’t understand or that they wouldn’t support me. Along with the fear that they would ask too many questions and change my mind. Did I tell you I overanalyze everything? This ended up being about as far from the truth as humanly possible for my best friends.
You would’ve thought it got easier each time…but it definitely didn’t.
With each of my close friends I told, bottles of wine were consumed before I would quickly blurt out the news. Followed by a wave of tears, and even more love and support than I could have ever imagined.
Who was I kidding? These are the people I have chosen to surround myself with for a reason. To my surprise, most understood my decision.
Coming to Terms with Never
As I thought about the goodbyes that were in store, I reflected on my move here. I had already left a lot behind. Friendships that I never thought would end and people that I always thought I would stay in touch with. Now, these over 15-year-old friendships have turned into occasional birthday messages and dinner when I’m visiting once a year.
This is life.
Life happens. Life gets in the way. Before you know it, your interests have changed and you’ve grown and developed into a completely new person.
I had never thought much about how much my life has changed since moving, until now. I still love my oldest friends. The memories we share will always be there and they will always cross my mind every now and then. However, the friendships we once had, will never be that again.
With my departure from Florida quickly approaching, this thought was always in the back of my mind as I said my goodbyes. I knew I would never see many people that once surrounded me daily. From co-workers to acquaintances and the many friends I’ve met along the way. Coming to terms with this harsh reality was much harder than I had anticipated.
I spent so much time reflecting on how unhappy I was and planning my getaway, that at times, I forgot how completely blessed I’ve been. I’d found friends that turned into family, captured unforgettable moments and experienced incredible places. All while truly growing into the woman I am today.
I know we will try our very hardest to keep in touch but deep down I know that it will never be the same. I will never have the same relationship with them. An occasional trip back to visit, or a meet up somewhere in the world, will never compare to the weekly happy hours, sleepovers, beach days, trips, family dinners, birthdays or all the other silly random adventures.
Reflecting on Goodbye
This year taught me so many important things. It taught me to always focus on playing an active role in my own life. Make goals that focus on living the life I want, the way I want. And to never settle for less than what I want or deserve.
Through natural growth, there is a constant change in life and the people that surround me. By embracing their presence in my life no matter the length of time, I can accept their impact on me and my life.
I am choosing to open myself up to enjoy the here and now, for a day, a week, a year. To cherish however long or little time I have with someone, somewhere because I never know when goodbye will come.
