How the Hell Did I End Up Here…

A year ago, I decided my life needed a drastic change. My heart was broken into pieces and I was unhappier than I had ever been.

I was working a 9-5 corporate marketing job, going home to an empty apartment and binge drinking on the weekends. I was not content with this lifestyle. I was slowly spiraling towards a black hole that I was all too familiar with. I knew I needed a change, but what I didn’t know at the time, was just how much I needed it.

Emotional Breakdown

The thoughts of moving had already been planted in my head years earlier, in fact, when I moved to Florida, it was never my intention to stay for this long. I dreamed of moving back to California to be closer to my family; working in PR and Marketing, settled down by 28 and traveling the world with my 2 weeks of vacation.

As my 28^th birthday quickly approached, I realized I was about as far away as I could get from this dream that I had conceptualized since I was 4. I began to panic. I was nowhere near what I wanted and in fact, I had no idea what I wanted anymore.

Fight or Flight took over and I had to go. I honestly didn’t care where I went, as long as it was far, far away. I was looking for an escape, somewhere to run away to. My obvious first option was California. It sounded safe and easy, but I have never been one to take the easy route, in fact, I usually take the hardest route possible. Plus, it just did not seem far enough away anymore. This was the perfect opportunity to finally, truly feed my wanderlust.

Change of Scenery

The desire to move abroad has been with me for years, it scratched the surface 4 years prior. I was months away from graduating college and the thought of entering the Marketing-Advertising-PR world was terrifying. In hindsight, I should have seen this as a red flag, however, at the time, the thought of picking up my life with a college friend and moving to South East Asia was even more terrifying. I had just begun a new relationship and was falling in lust with a boy (insert eye roll here). I pushed my desire to move abroad to the back of my mind and took a job in Digital Media Marketing-Advertising-PR-Do Everything. Fast forward 4 years, and I could barely sit still in my life. I had put this off for 5 years too long and now was on the verge of a complete breakdown.

I thought I just needed a change of scenery; if I just moved outside of the United States I would be fulfilling something inside of me. I was working closely with my counterpart in our Australian office and we discussed plans to get me on my feet there, it would be an easy transition. I would save up, pay off debt and leave next June (2016). Boom. There it was. Plan in action.

I called my parents to share the news. I can’t even imagine what must’ve been going through their minds. They must’ve thought I was losing my mind wanting to go through another move and to Australia of all places. True to form, though, my parents supported my decision from day one and encouraged me to go and do whatever makes me happy.

So, I moved in with my best friend, cut back on social activities (cut back, ehhh….I use this term lightly, I definitely could have cut back more; maybe not gone on as many trips and skipped some Sunday brunches but what’s the fun in that?) and I would spend the next year paying off debt and “preparing” for this move (how little prepared I ended up being surprises me to this day).

The Road to Finding Myself

Through this year, a few significant moments would happen to alter my path and I remember these specific moments so vividly…

The first came just a month after I set my plan into motion. My good friend returned from the trip of a lifetime, sharing her experiences and stories, opening up my eyes to the world that now suddenly seemed so much smaller and connected than I had ever imagined. This solidified what I already knew, it was time to get out, explore and find myself. That same night, her boyfriend took us to a new yoga studio that had just opened, Krama Yoga Institute.

For the next year, this would become my sanctuary. I found myself here, I opened my mind and heart to love myself. I explored parts of myself that were untapped. I’m not sure I would have lasted this difficult year without yoga and meditation in my life. Aside from her honesty, love, and support, bringing the gift of yoga to me would end up being invaluable to me over the next year, and for the rest of my life.

Feeding My Soul

As I continued to silently go about researching and planning for my upcoming move, my path was altered again, a few months later. I went on my sixth trip of the year, but this one wasn’t a family trip, a vacation with my best friends or even a work trip, it was my first voluntourism experience with Shuzz.

Let me back up, Shuzz is a non-profit organization that provides shoes to children in poverty-stricken areas around the world and is an organization that I have been involved with since day one, 6 years ago. I was finally given the opportunity to join a team, travel, and distribute shoes to children in Guatemala.

Guatemala, the experience, the people, the land, and my Shuzz family of 6, changed me. My world, my views of the world, and everything in it shifted just a little bit. All of a sudden things that once mattered did not matter anymore, how I interacted with others changed, how I viewed my worldly possessions changed and a whole waterfall of emotions came along with it.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, I received what I like to call the Guatemalan cleanse upon returning and would spend the next week in bed with nothing but my thoughts to keep me company.  I spent a lot of time reflecting on my experiences and looking forward.

What did I want? Where did I want to go? How could I possibly make this happen? And then suddenly, just like that, it clicked! Moving to Australia, and continuing to do exactly what I was doing here in South Florida, was just not where I needed to be.

I love marketing, digital media, and event planning; most of the qualities that make me so damn good at it are traits I will carry with me in everything I do in the future. However, this job and this life just wasn’t feeding my soul. I knew there was more out there, so, I would spend the next 6 months exploring my options.

Listen to Your Signs

Then all of a sudden, one day all of the pieces came together. It all happened quite fast, probably since this has been in the back of my head for 5 years, the decision wasn’t quite as random as it sounded to others. “What? Teaching English to children in China?” People thought I had lost my mind.  And maybe I have, but it has been one of the most rewarding and freeing decisions I have ever made.

Over the course of the next few months, I would share the news with my family and closest friends. As the day that I had longed for, for so long, quickly approached, my days got harder and shorter, the goodbyes sadder and moments more precious.

My greatest lesson to give back to you from this year is to listen to signs (and red…or even yellow, flags), listen to your heart and do what feeds your soul. I put this off for far too long, by following a playbook that told me I had to conform to a certain role in society. Society and social norms are changing and what’s right for them are not always right for me, or even you. Life isn’t meant to just go through it; it’s meant to LIVE!

I encourage you to make a list of all the things you’ve ever wanted to do, big or small; buy a house, wine taste around Italy, learn French. Sure, call it a bucket list if you want, I call mine a Things to Do List as I am constantly checking things off and adding new ones.

Start living your life by this list. It may take years of saving for you to wine taste around Italy, but you know what? It’ll be SO rewarding when you finally do! Don’t get caught up in the daily grind of simply just working to pay your bills. Live your life to make YOU happy and do things that bring a glow to your soul that everyone can see, yet not one single person can put out.